Typing with this balloon of a blister on my forefinger feels funny but I fly back to New York tomorrow and have a lot of work to do on my computer. I have been going to visit my teacher for a lesson each time I'm in Los Angeles for break and went this morning for my summer break lesson.
My leg fell quickly asleep sitting cross-legged, more accustomed to sitting on the piano bench and at desks the past two years. And with the calluses I developed long gone, blisters emerged on my fingertips before I could even make it to snack time. And I don't know if it was just today but 할머니 remarked that I didn't seem to be entirely present. Like my body, maybe my mind is out of shape and can no longer be still for a couple hours.
I kept getting my fingers in position to pluck the next note, even though my teacher kept telling me to take my time since moving my hand away early from the ringing note changes the sound. It's funny that my impatient personality is apparent regardless of the instrument or observer; my voice teacher in New York says that I seem to have a habit of putting the cart before the horse. The cart before the horse - what a silly thing to do.
I hope I'm doing things in the right order at the right pace this time. Staying in New York to find a job so that I can develop a career in arts management and knock out my student loans in the next few years. Staying in New York so that I can be in a challenging environment to continue to develop my voice as an artist, my technique as a musician and pursue the projects I've begun.
Los Angeles has a way of making me feel like I want to settle down and never leave. When I come back for good, 할머니 may not be able to give me lessons anymore. She told me her hearing and vision has gotten worse, even though her presence and quips make me laugh as much as ever. It's a choice I'm making, putting singing over studying kayagum. I hope I'm doing the right thing. I hope that I will absorb the sounds my teacher wants to pass on to me. I hope that I will be capable of playing anything I want on kayagum someday.
It's a good thing I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm growing too attached already.